"I will give you back your health and heal your wounds, says the Lord."
                                       ~Jeremiah 30:17a

      Wow, how quickly life can change. Just in an instant, everything we once knew to be everyday, and easy for us, can be gone or changed in a heartbeat! In Don Piper's book, 90 Minutes in Heaven, he says, "Some things happen to us from which we never recover, and they disrupt the normalcy of our lives." That is so true. I think we take for granted that we have our health, careers, our homes, our families, and all of the things we have accumulated over the years. Then in an instant any one of those things can just be gone.

      I think, more than anything, I have learned in the last year, that we must live in a way that we show love and appreciation to those people who are precious to us, be grateful for the things (careers, material possessions, etc.) that have been entrusted to us, and thank God daily for His grace that has been poured out on us for our salvation and health. When He sent His son to this Earth, it was for one ultimate purpose, to save us from our sins. His son also suffered tremendously for us. His body was bruised and broken so that we might be healed. Isaiah 53:5 says, "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed."

     As I came out of surgery 3 weeks ago, I remember Dr. Krisht shinning a bright light in my right eye and then wiggling his fingers. I saw that perfectly. Then as he moved to my left eye, I saw nothing. It was then that all kinds of tests were being ran (even yesterday, I returned to Little Rock for more testing). I remember that night thinking, it's swelling, it will return. The next morning as he sat and talked with us, I could tell that this was probably going to be a permanent thing. As I sat crying with Ronny, I said, "but I'm a teacher, I teach reading and writing, I love to read, and I play the piano, how can I do these things and not see?!" During these last 3 weeks I have learned that things are different with one eye. My eyesight was something I took for granted, something I always thought would be there. It is uncomfortable and scary going out into a world that seems so big now. Things seem so big, yet some seem so small and far away. The normalcy of my life was disrupted with this eyesight issue, whether temporary or permanent, that is up to God. I truly believe He is bigger than this and He is still in the business of performing miracles. Some of my fears have already gone away: I have already read 4 books, and are simultaneously working on 5, 6, & 7. (I can't wait to tell my students--no excuses! We can read!) I can play piano, not as much by ear as I wish, but I can still read the music!!

The next disruption of normalcy is brain surgery. For a person who is on the go all the time, whether in working or in fun, life has somewhat smacked me down. When I was healthy, I could jump in the car and run whenever I chose. I could be a teacher, a pastor's wife, a college mom, a daughter, aunt, sister, friend, and a graduate student all at the same time. I'm now realizing that life has changed, and I know only for a season, but a hard thing to accept. As Don Piper also says in his book, "I had to adjust and accept my physical limits as part of my new normal." I know for healing purposes, the rest is a huge thing. Some of the smallest of tasks are overwhelming and exhausting. Again, even making the trek into public is somewhat overwhelming, it seems as though a big flashing marquee is above my head saying: "BRAIN TUMOR!" Sometimes it's discouraging because I think, will I ever return to what I once was? How long will this recuperation take? Will I ever be rested again? How will I return to my regular schedule when the Dr. releases me? I keep reminding myself that through my weakness He is strong! He promises to be there and protect me, to give me healing, to be my strength.

I think as humans, one of the hardest things to give to God and not take back is the control. We like to be in control of our lives, situations, etc. He wants us to totally depend on Him for everything. Paul tells us we must die to self daily. Well, I'm thinking sometimes it's by the hour, by the minute, every second of every day! A great reminder : Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." It is so hard to let go of the control completely. We say we do, but we seem to keep hanging on to a little corner of it, just in case "He can't handle it, we can help." He can do it all and He tells us that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~Philippians 4:13. And yet, we want to think we can do anything in our own strength.

Father,
You are my provider and my healer. You are everything that I need! I have said it before, but need a constant reminder, Take my life, take my will, take my body (eyes, hands, feet, brain, every part of me) and make it all yours. May your will be done in my life. You gave me a calling for teaching and music, God, mold me into what you would have me to be. May every part of my life glorify You! I thank You for what You are doing in my life, even though I don't understand. Forgive me for questioning You, for not understanding, for getting angry! I believe You are a God of miracles--You can heal my eyes if You choose!! If not, You have a better plan in store for me. You are in control! I am not! I am waiting for You God to tell me or show me Your plan for my life. I know Your timing is perfect! I am still excited to see what you have for me!

In Jesus' name--Lisa

The Little Things In Life

The little things in life? Are they really "just" little things? I have learned over the last few months, and even more in the last two weeks, that little things are big and of importance. There are things we do on a daily basis that we just take for granted; things like...

• our next breath.
• seeing the beauty in people and creation around us.
• singing or humming a song.
• feeling the wind against your face.
• seeing a smile move across some one's face.
• the ability to take a shower and wash your hair whenever you so choose.
• driving your car to the store and running in quickly.
• knowing and living like tomorrow will come.
• a shoulder of a friend.
• a tiny child's hand in yours.
• the comfort from a loved one.

I have come to realize that we move along in our lives, so fast paced, that we forget to stop and notice these little things that are so important. We spend our times running from one appointment to the next, gulping down a meal from a drive thru, and checking our email and messages in the car on our smart phones as we arrive at our next destination. We over commit to the point that we can't possibly cram in one more event. Then we stop and wonder why we are so tired and exhausted!

I am learning so many lessons through my journey. One is to just "Be still and know that I am God." I sometimes forget that God is in control and not me! Sometimes I just make a mess of His plan. I plan so much that I plan Him right out of everything. I have learned over the last two weeks that I am not guaranteed tomorrow. And that's OK! I'm not promised a number of years on this earth. I need to spend my days living urgently for Christ. I hope that I live my life in a way that Christ can touch lives through me. I want to live in a way that I may not have another day to share His love. I also want to live my life in gratitude to my savior, one for saving my soul, and two for using me to work His plan according to His purpose and not my own.

I find that I'm seeing the importance of just sitting in His presence and not running through it on my way to another commitment. I'm also learning that if it is His plan to see with one eye, then He has better plans for me! He is going to use this meningioma/vision trial for His glory. I am appreciating the things around me such as the sun, wind, rain, people, etc. I'm realizing these things are not so little in life.

Thank you, God for the rest you have provided for me and my family. Thank you for allowing me to stop and savor those things that may seem small in life, but are of great importance.

Powerful Words From God

1 Corinthians 2:9:
"However, as it is written: 'No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.'

A friend shared a word from God that was given to her the other morning:
"I am the Lord that healeth thee. You must rest so I can and while you rest I will show you great and mighty things. I will give you dreams and visions and when it is all said and done all shall know that I am the Lord your God." 3/8/11

I was given a new devotional book yesterday, by a friend from church. I began to look over the last couple of days, as I was journaling, reading, etc. I turned to March 3rd, the day of my surgery, and I had to call Ashley in to read the devotional for that day. Here were the words on March 3rd:

"Every day holds the possibility of a miracle."

"Nothing is impossible with God." ~Luke 1:37

How fitting for the day that I headed into surgery, not knowing what was facing me!!

Another friend sent me a devotional from the K-Love's encouraging word today, it said 1 John1:5 says, "This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in Him at all."

All are powerful words!! Thank you, God for using your servants, and for speaking through others to show us how You are at work in our lives!! So, we sit, waiting and resting in God. Waiting to see what it is that He has for us to do. We are willing servants, waiting and wanting to be used of Him, but in His timing, because we know that His timing is perfect.

I am returning for another amazing night of rest. Thank you for the prayers last night, because He came through once again! The sleep and rest was wonderful last night and today!

On the Other Side, but Still Rough Waters

Updates and thoughts over the last week:

We came home on Monday after an exhausting day of discharging, and eye doctor visit. Before being discharged, they removed my dressings, which was the first hard blow. They did not remove lots of hair (thank you Jesus!), but I have about 50 staples from temple to temple. That was a hard one to look at or take.

We left the hospital and drove straight to the eye Dr. After a visit with the eye specialist, Dr. Rozas is telling us that the blood supply to my left retina was stopped for too long of a time during surgery. It was not the surgery so to speak, but something pinched off my optic nerve. My retina should be orange, but is white, which shows permanent damage. I cannot see out of my left eye at all. It works well with my other eye as far as movement, but is non-reactive to light. This was another hard blow as we headed home on Monday. He said my right eye is very strong and I must protect it, as it is my only good eye now. He is watching me closely, because during the next 90 days, some hormone can try to grow vessels and fix my eye, because the blood flow is back. He said these are bad vessels and can hurt this eye or the other. It is a very small chance, and he can catch it quickly and fix it through laser or an injection.

It is amazing that God uses surgeons and doctors in amazing ways! I had an amazing team of doctors and nurses working with me. He blessed us so much by providing a surgeon who was very caring! He was with my family and I all through that first evening and night after surgery, running tests to check out my eye and make sure it wasn't something that would happen to the other eye, or to find out if he could correct what had taken place. Who would think 1 week following brain surgery, I'd be sitting here charting my courses??

I shared in an email with some of my school family that I have had a couple of days of pity parties, and trying to wrap myself around all of this!! I know that God is not finished with me yet. He allows us to go through things to grow us. I just finished my book Life Is Hard in the night last night (while unable to sleep). Here are a couple of insightful words I'm hanging onto (I requested some accountability, because giving up control is a hard one for me!!) 

• Embracing God's purposes means you confess and live the reality that God is not asleep at the wheel. He is not AWOL. He's not running late for work.
• HE IS IN CONTROL!
• HE ALLOWED THIS!
• I may wish it wasn't so, but He could have prevented this trial, and yet He didn't!
• So the question is, "Again, Lord, What are you teaching me (us) through this?
• 2 Corinthians 12:10: "For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses." The NIV says, "I delight in weaknesses."
• Jesus, Himself, modeled this kind of victory in the garden when He prayed, "Your will be done." Not my will, God but Your will. That's the essence of submission, and that's where the victory begins.

My prayer of commitment:

Lord, I'm staying right here. I'm not looking for a way out. I'm remaining right here under the pressure. And I yield. As best as I know how, God, I'm not fighting You. I'm not angry with You. I'm confused sometimes. I'm perplexed. I'm sad, but I'm not angry. I trust You. I want to tell You, Lord I'm not going to quit. By Your grace and in Your strength, I am not going to quit. I am going to keep doing the things You've CALLED me to do. I'm going to keep believing the things I've always believed. I desire to get closer and deeper with You. I am embracing this trial. I'm treasuring these things you have taught me and I'm committing to You once again here and now, God. In Your sufficient grace I'm going forward. Turn these trials to gold in my life. I'm waiting to see it. My hope is in You. And I can wait!

In Jesus' name for His glory, Amen

I began James McDonald's second book today, Always True [God's 5 promises when life is hard], Jeremiah 32:27 says, "I am the Lord...Is anything too hard for me?" That would take me back a little. Oh me of little faith!!! McDonald says, "Sometimes in life, we look at our need or the overwhelming circumstances and we feel beaten before we start. But God asks, 'What exactly is that you think I can't handle?" A good one, huh? Why do we doubt Him. I just sang Kari Jobe's Healer a week ago, and the bridge says, "Nothing is impossible for You, Nothing is impossible! Nothing is impossible for You, You hold my world in Your hands."

Good night and say a prayer for sleep tonight! It comes off and on!! My brain needs sleep to bring complete healing!!