This has been a turning point week for me! I was able to sleep longer nights, thus building my strength. I remember asking Ronny about a week ago, "Am I ever going to feel good again?" Well, this week I had several amazing days in a row. I had strength, no pain anywhere, and was able to get around and do some things I enjoy doing! I played piano and sang on the praise and worship team this morning for the first time in 6 weeks!! I so enjoyed being back with our praise team!!!
UPDATE:
I returned to the eye doctor on Thursday. He took pictures of my eyes, and said that the blood flow was worse than he thought. There is almost no blood flow to my left eye. He also said the bad blood vessels that he feared, had began growing. He was able to do laser surgery in his office to stop this growth. He is watching me closely and will see me back in a couple of weeks to check again. He feels very confident that he is getting on this quickly. That appointment was a little disappointing, because the news was very permanent about the blindness in my left eye. However, we are NOT loosing faith--our God is bigger than this. If He chooses to return my sight, He will!! No diagnosis or doctor's words can change what God is able to do. Once again, I know that He is working on me and teaching me lessons. That same lesson over and over: releasing that independence and learning to depend on Him for everything.
We also went to the surgeon for a follow-up visit on Friday. All went well. He's watching one place on my incision that is not healing correctly. I return in two weeks, and he can clean it up and fix with a few stitches!! I can also blow my nose, cough, and sneeze now!! Woo Hoo!! He also said I could return to teaching in a couple of weeks for 1/2 days and could attend 4th grade camp at the end of May!! Great news for all of those things!!
Along with turning points, also can come some uneasiness and/or questions! As Ronny and I sat for 4 1/2 hours in the neurosurgeon's office, I realized this is not like most Dr.'s offices. This is not usually a place of good news and joy. We saw a young, beautiful teenage girl walk out with her family, after a long visit with the doctor . The young lady and her mother had obviously been crying, lots. Another middle aged lady also came through the doors, crying, making her way quickly to the exit. My thoughts went to two people I know of in the last 2 years that have had dealings with brain cancer and lost their battles here on earth and have made their new homes in Heaven, where they are ultimately healed!! One was a beautiful teenage girl, who has an amazing family and extended family!! The other lady, the same age and name as me, was a children's pastor at my parent's church. She was serving God by giving back to others and carrying out the Great Commission!! I then returned Friday night and attended a women's conference here in town on Saturday. It was great fellowshipping, worshipping, learning, and rejuvenating together. One of my conferences was led by a former student's grandmother, Nina! She shared her testimony, which was awesome! She shared about her health issue and even losing vision somewhat in her eye. She was very encouragin. She also mentioned losing her granddaughter, Hannah; again, my thoughts went to her fight with brain cancer.
This brings me to the uneasiness & questions. I don't understand why some people, as in my situation, are given another opportunity at life, to continue in ministry, and their calling; while some who are just babies, who haven't even lived a full life, are taken so quickly. Or what about those who are living out their purpose, and in a blink of an eye, are taken away from their family, friends, and children's ministry. I ask why, not in a hateful, selfish kind of way, but almost in a guilty kind of way. Why am I given that chance that they weren't? Why is that my family is celebrating something that these families never got to see? When talking with those family members who have lost their loved ones, I even feel almost uncomfortable or guilty praising God for my situation or talking about the good things that God has done for us through this situation because I know they have those same questions. They have a sadness that their time was cut so short.
I think again, I'm learning that God does give us second chances (sometimes 3rd, 4th, 5th,etc.). I know that His time of returning is close. I must live my life with an urgency that I must reach out to anyone I can! I need to share God's goodness, His faithfulness, and most of all the Grace that He pours on us! I need to work to encourage others going through difficult times. It may not be a brain tumor. It might be financial hardship, marriage problems, wayward children, troubled relationships, health problems, a loss of a loved one, etc. I need to share His unconditional love, and how He has worked miracles in my life and is continuing to grow me. I need to share of that Heaven that is promised to us if we just reach out and ask Him for His salvation. Acts 13:15 says, "If you have a message of encouragement for the people, please speak." That almost sounds like a plea to me. I can't keep it inside, I must share so that others can be encouraged. My prayer is that lives can be touched through the turmoil He is bringing us through. It's a constant climb, with many steps that knock us backward, but He is with us every step of the way--guiding our steps, carrying us when necessary, even pulling and pushing us at times. I want to be used to help further this kingdom.
We have a lot of work to do so that we can reach that final prize, where the Hannah's, Lisa's, and others are waiting for us at that great finish line!!! We can't stop now; we can't give up; we must keep persevering for that which lies ahead!
Lisa
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