Perseverance, Pity Parties, and Plans

PERSEVERANCE



"I do not consider  myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting whta is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I presss on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."    ~Philippians 3:13-14NIV



When I think of the word perseverance, I think of determination and faithfulness, not giving up, keep on keeping on. As I think on the events of the past year, there have been times I wanted to give up, stop, and look back. There have been times I felt I could not keep moving or going. God blessed me with a wonderful husband, daughter, and family who kept encouraging me and holding me up when I felt I couldn't stand another minute. He has also blessed me with an amazing church and school family and a host of friends who also held me up in prayers; who continually pray for my strength.



This last year has been much like a marathon. There have been times when the race seemed easy, that I could make it to the finish line, but then other times it was as if they end was never in sight. Everyone was on the sidelines, in just the right places at just the right times, to cheer me on and help me persevere. At one low point, someone told me to go out 1 week on my calendar and write: "How are you feeling today?" then to repeat it for 30 days, 6 months, then a year. I can tell you that 1 year later, although not completely back to strength, it is amazing how God has restored me to health and given me the strength I need at the right time. Many times this year, Ronny has reminded me how rough it was in the beginning. He has kept photos on his phone as a reminder. When I get down, he shows me where I was and how far I have come over the last year. I debated on whether to show where I have come from, and decided that as it has been encouragement to me, it might be to you as well.

Approximately 18 hours following my 6.5 hour brain surgery. The swollen eye is the eye in which I lost vision. At this time, I am blind in this eye. God has a plan. I keep praying for restoration of my sight. I have faith that if God so chooses, He can restore my vision. 

Mama and I two days after my surgery. The longer time passed, the worse my swelling and color got!! Not a pretty sight. Under the bandages, I had 50 staples. Yes, they shaved a swath of hair about 1/2" wide (right in the middle of my forhead). For the most part, it has all grown back; however there are spots that have not because of scar tissue. This reminds me of a song that I have sung before: "Heal the wounds but leave the scars. A reminder of how merciful you are."

PITY PARTIES

I admit, I have had my share of pity parties this last year. Ronny, Ashley, and I have experienced many rough days, but more blessed days!! We have had some losses over the last year. We have lost friends and loved ones who were too young to go. We have experienced many rough times through schooling, ministry, family, friends, and the list goes on. However, God reminds us that "He works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him..." There have been times when it felt like God was far away (which we know wasn't true), it was in this time of hurting and pity parties, He was right beside us the entire time, waiting for us to cry out to Him, to trust Him, and believe in Him. In Laura Story's song blessings, it says: "what if my greatest disappointments, or aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy. What if trials of this life, the rain,the storms, the hardest nights, are Your mercies in disguise?" I am still learning to lean on Him to help us through the storms, to see the blessings and mercy He has bestowed up on us.

Exactly 1 year later! I celebrated tonight by going to see Mandisa and Laura Story with friends from church and school. Not a great picture, but you get the point. One year has made a difference.

"Hold on just a little bit longer, He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger." ~Mandisa

PLANS


"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." ~Jeremiah 29:11-13 The Message
How encouraging is it to know that He has it all planned out. It's more than just planning it out, but He has a plan to care for me and not leave me. He even promises that He will listen to me when I call out to Him, and if I will take the steps to look for Him, I WILL find Him. Sometimes knowing God's plan is hard. We must be seeking Him with all of our heart, mind, and soul! We can't seek Him half heartedly, we must give our all to Him. This is so hard sometimes, because we want to hold on to parts of our life! We have to surrender completely. The closer our relationship to Him, the easier it will be to see His will for our lives. I pray daily that I will be in His complete will in all I do. He is my guide!! I have to make sure Lisa doesn't get in the way (which all too often happens!).


So where do we go from here? We keep running the race, pressing on to the prize that He has for us. Persevering, not giving up, especially when we get hung up in our pity parties, and remember that He has a plan for our lives. I am still growing in my faith and He's continually teaching me! Thanks for your prayers and encouragement. God has truly blessed us!


~Lisa

A Journey Comes to an End

I sit here reflecting over 2011 with so many mixed emotions. In some ways this year has gone so fast; in others, it has seemed almost unending. God has blessed us tremendously and He has been by our side through many ups and downs, twists and turns. I would be lying if I said that we haven't had some times when we felt all alone and times we felt we couldn't continue; however, through His love, support, and guidance, as well as the encouragement and support of family and friends, we have conquered this last year, and we rise up victorious.

Through some of my reading and studying, I'm reminded of some lessons learned and promises made to us by God. Five exceedingly great and precious promises are as follows:

1. God is ALWAYS with Me. (I will NOTfear!)
2. God is ALWAYS in Control. (I will NOT doubt!)
3. God is ALWAYS Good. (I will NOT despair!)
4. God is ALWAYS Watching. (I will NOT falter!)
5. God is ALWAYS Victorious (I will NOT fail!)

Lord, Jesus Christ, come and live Your life through me. Let my life be a semonstration of the living presence of Christ. Forgive me for trying to live my life in my own strength. Help me as I embrace these promises by faith. Thank You, God, that You are with me in this as I seek to live for You and to honor You and to bring You glory. Thank You that You are ALWAYS with me.

In James MacDonald's book Always True, he says, "Today I believe; tomorrow (or at some point in the future) I receive. The distance between today and tomorrow is called walking by faith. The hard part is in the waiting between the promise and the answer; and even harder, when the waiting comes with more hardship or even setbacks. While we wait, God gives us His promises to hold on to."

MacDonald goes on to say, God's promises are not just great; they're exceedingly great--greater than anything else:

• God's promises are greater than human wisdom.
• God's promises are greater than white-knuckled obedience.
• God's promises are greater than wallowing in self-pity.

God's exceedingly great and precious promises are your best possession:

• There's nothing remotely like them.
• They will lead you through the darkest night.
• They will carry you through the longest day.
• They will accompany you through the deepest valley.

I close this year with a heavy heart for those who I know need God's touch on their lives whether physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, financially, etc. I also close this year feeling very blessed and undeserving of the blessings that God has bestowed on me and my family. It feels good to close the book on 2011, and I anticipate the amazing things that God is going to do in 2012. Now to finish off this year with two of my favorite people, Ronny and Ashley. I thank God daily for the two blessings in my life with my Godly husband and Godly daughter. They have been my strength this last year. Good night and Good bye to 2011!

Finding Jesus In Christmas

When you think about Christmas, what comes to mind? Is it vacation time? A break from teaching, students, classes, etc.? Buying presents? Cooking all of that food? Entertaining guests? Practicing for the school or church program? Looking at lights? or racing with crowds of people to get the latest and greatest popular toy, movie or video game?

I think many times we forget what Christmas is really about! We forget that without Christ there would be NO Christmas. Santa, lights, and presents are not what Christmas is all about. These things add fun and wonder about the season, but without Christ we there would be no reason to celebrate! In fact, to take it further, if we don't think about the Cross, then the manger is just meaningless. Jesus was born in the shadow of the Cross so that we might have eternal life!

It is fun to give gifts, to honor those that we love, but do not forget to honor the One who gave His life for each and everyone of us! God gave his Son to us, knowing that while He was that precious baby boy being held in His mothers arms, He would one day stretch those same arms out on a cross and carry the weight of the sins of the world.

Take time this season to sit with your family and reflect on the greatness of our saviour! Reflect on the blessings He has given to you this last year, and how he has provided for your every need! Don't let Him get lost in all of the wrappings, food, festivities, etc. Find Jesus in Christmas this year!

Lessons Learned

"The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination."

                                                                       ~Don Williams, Jr.

As a teacher, I teach my students in a wide variety of ways in order to reach out to their specific way of learning. I use modeling, hands-on, projects, one-on-one teaching/conferencing, small strategy group teaching, inquiry, and the list goes on. Sometimes my teaching is very straight and to the point; however sometimes, I want my students to use his/her own discovery to learn a concept.

As we continue life, we never stop learning. When we embark on our journey of life, many lessons are presented. It is our choice to choose to learn or not. Sometimes the road is beautiful, smooth, and easy to navigate, while other times that road is rough and bumpy, narrow, and difficult to see what is coming ahead.

The road can take us through steep mountains, where it seems as we are on top of the world and can accomplish anything, while other roads take us through valleys. These valleys can seem almost overwhelming at times; as you will never come up out of them. Sometimes these valleys are surrounded by different terrains: dry and dead, like the desert, or maybe plush greenery surrounded by flowing rivers and streams.

Many questions are before us: Where are we going? What obstacles or detours will arise? Will there be a short cut? What happens if we get lost along the way? Should we use our GPS or map? The list goes on. I believe this road I have have been traveling for the last year and a half has included all of the above, with many of those questions and more.

I have used this spring and summer to reflect over my life and the last year or so, with the many trials, disappointments, struggles, etc. that have come along my travels. While in the middle of these trials, it has seemed as though the valley was a dry one, with no life in sight.

I realized through these times, and they still come, God gives us many promises. One that stands out strong to me is:

"The Lord will always lead you. He will satisfy your needs in dry lands and give strength to your bones. You will be like a garden that has much water, like a spring that never runs dry." ~Isaiah 58:11

One of the biggest lessons learned is that Lisa is NOT in control of any situation--GOD IS IN CONTROL! He has allowed these trials for a purpose of teaching and molding me into that person He wants me to be. I think this is one of the hardest lessons learned, and He is continually allowing me to go through things to remind me, He is in the driver's seat. You see, I do need a map or a GPS, that is God. If I don't trust in Him completely for every aspect of my life, I'll end up in a place where I don't know where to go or how I got there.

This lesson seems so simple, but yet I seem to complicate it all the time with my strong independence! I can almost hear myself, "I can do it! Don't tell me I can't! Just leave me alone, I'll get it done!"

He tells us in Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." It's that simple, yet we try to tackle situations on our own, and find ourselves in the twists and turns of life and wondering why we are off course.

Another lesson learned is to rest! Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest." I'm used to a fast paced life, full of busy schedules and deadlines, yet, He says to rest! I have learned it is ok to let the laundry or dishes sit for awhile. It is ok to take a nap. It is ok to sit and enjoy the creation He has given to us. I have found myself taking time to enjoy the simple things in life He has given me. This summer I have taken in the beautiful sunsets He has painted for me. I have enjoyed watching the flowers bloom, the rain fall, His people interact with one another (people watching is quite fun!), the waves of the ocean roll in, and so much more. We forget to take the time to just rest!

I must of have been a difficult student, because He had so many things to teach me. I have also learned to prioritize! God is first and foremost in my life, over and above everything! I must take time to study His word and converse with Him. Next, He has blessed me with a family. This family needs me to take care of them, fellowship with them, laugh and cry with them. I cannot put them on the back burner! Next, God has a calling on my life. You see, I am a missionary. He has given me a mission to reach out to children in the Van Buren area. I do this by teaching them to the best of my ability, not only math, science, social studies, reading and writing, but how to have manners, how to love, how to respect, how to have joy, etc. He has also called me to use my talents to worship. He has blessed our church with an amazing praise team, and He has given us talents to sing and play instruments and more importantly to teach and lead our congregation into corporate and individual worship!

As He continues to teach me lessons, I will share more. I felt that these were some of the most important lessons I have learned while faced with many detours in my life travels in this last year.

So where do we go from here? Where will our life's journey take us? God knows the plan for our lives, we must allow Him to be our guide. Let Him have complete control. I can truly say that I'm not scared of what lies ahead. Not anymore. I'm ready to face the detours, curves, the rough spots, whatever, as long as He is guiding my life!

Father, thank you for being my guide. I'm sorry for the times that I try to tackle life on my own, because I can't do it! Thank you for your promises that you will guide my paths, that you will give me strength, and you have a plan to prosper my life! Whatever comes my way, I know that I can hit it head on with you in my driver's seat. Thank you for allowing me to go through the things that I have endured this last year, because I have learned so much! Keep teaching and molding me into what you would have me to be! ~Amen









Turning Points

This has been a turning point week for me! I was able to sleep longer nights, thus building my strength. I remember asking Ronny about a week ago, "Am I ever going to feel good again?" Well, this week I had several amazing days in a row. I had strength, no pain anywhere, and was able to get around and do some things I enjoy doing! I played piano and sang on the praise and worship team this morning for the first time in 6 weeks!! I so enjoyed being back with our praise team!!!

UPDATE:
I returned to the eye doctor on Thursday. He took pictures of my eyes, and said that the blood flow was worse than he thought. There is almost no blood flow to my left eye. He also said the bad blood vessels that he feared, had began growing. He was able to do laser surgery in his office to stop this growth. He is watching me closely and will see me back in a couple of weeks to check again. He feels very confident that he is getting on this quickly. That appointment was a little disappointing, because the news was very permanent about the blindness in my left eye. However, we are NOT loosing faith--our God is bigger than this. If He chooses to return my sight, He will!! No diagnosis or doctor's words can change what God is able to do. Once again, I know that He is working on me and teaching me lessons. That same lesson over and over: releasing that independence and learning to depend on Him for everything.

We also went to the surgeon for a follow-up visit on Friday. All went well. He's watching one place on my incision that is not healing correctly. I return in two weeks, and he can clean it up and fix with a few stitches!! I can also blow my nose, cough, and sneeze now!! Woo Hoo!! He also said I could return to teaching in a couple of weeks for 1/2 days and could attend 4th grade camp at the end of May!! Great news for all of those things!!

Along with turning points, also can come some uneasiness and/or questions! As Ronny and I sat for 4 1/2 hours in the neurosurgeon's office, I realized this is not like most Dr.'s offices. This is not usually a place of good news and joy. We saw a young, beautiful teenage girl walk out with her family, after a long visit with the doctor . The young lady and her mother had obviously been crying, lots. Another middle aged lady also came through the doors, crying, making her way quickly to the exit. My thoughts went to two people I know of in the last 2 years that have had dealings with brain cancer and lost their battles here on earth and have made their new homes in Heaven, where they are ultimately healed!! One was a beautiful teenage girl, who has an amazing family and extended family!! The other lady, the same age and name as me, was a children's pastor at my parent's church. She was serving God by giving back to others and carrying out the Great Commission!!  I then returned Friday night and attended a women's conference here in town on Saturday. It was great fellowshipping, worshipping, learning, and rejuvenating together. One of my conferences was led by a former student's grandmother, Nina! She shared her testimony, which was awesome! She shared about her health issue and even losing vision somewhat in her eye. She was very encouragin. She also mentioned losing her granddaughter, Hannah; again, my thoughts went to her fight with brain cancer.

This brings me to the uneasiness & questions. I don't understand why some people, as in my situation, are given another opportunity at life, to continue in ministry, and their calling; while some who are just babies, who haven't even lived a full life, are taken so quickly. Or what about those who are living out their purpose, and in a blink of an eye, are taken away from their family, friends, and children's ministry. I ask why, not in a hateful, selfish kind of way, but almost in a guilty kind of way. Why am I given that chance that they weren't? Why is that my family is celebrating something that these families never got to see? When talking with those family members who have lost their loved ones, I even feel almost uncomfortable or guilty praising God for my situation or talking about the good things that God has done for us through this situation because I know they have those same questions. They have a sadness that their time was cut so short.

I think again, I'm learning that God does give us second chances (sometimes 3rd, 4th, 5th,etc.). I know that His time of returning is close. I must live my life with an urgency that I must reach out to anyone I can! I need to share God's goodness, His faithfulness, and most of all the Grace that He pours on us! I need to work to encourage others going through difficult times. It may not be a brain tumor. It might be financial hardship, marriage problems, wayward children, troubled relationships, health problems, a loss of a loved one, etc. I need to share His unconditional love, and how He has worked miracles in my life and is continuing to grow me. I need to share of that Heaven that is promised to us if we just reach out and ask Him for His salvation. Acts 13:15 says, "If you have a message of encouragement for the people, please speak." That almost sounds like a plea to me. I can't keep it inside, I must share so that others can be encouraged. My prayer is that lives can be touched through the turmoil He is bringing us through. It's a constant climb, with many steps that knock us backward, but He is with us every step of the way--guiding our steps, carrying us when necessary, even pulling and pushing us at times. I want to be used to help further this kingdom.

We have a lot of work to do so that we can reach that final prize, where the Hannah's, Lisa's, and others are waiting for us at that great finish line!!! We can't stop now; we can't give up; we must keep persevering for that which lies ahead!

Lisa

"I will give you back your health and heal your wounds, says the Lord."
                                       ~Jeremiah 30:17a

      Wow, how quickly life can change. Just in an instant, everything we once knew to be everyday, and easy for us, can be gone or changed in a heartbeat! In Don Piper's book, 90 Minutes in Heaven, he says, "Some things happen to us from which we never recover, and they disrupt the normalcy of our lives." That is so true. I think we take for granted that we have our health, careers, our homes, our families, and all of the things we have accumulated over the years. Then in an instant any one of those things can just be gone.

      I think, more than anything, I have learned in the last year, that we must live in a way that we show love and appreciation to those people who are precious to us, be grateful for the things (careers, material possessions, etc.) that have been entrusted to us, and thank God daily for His grace that has been poured out on us for our salvation and health. When He sent His son to this Earth, it was for one ultimate purpose, to save us from our sins. His son also suffered tremendously for us. His body was bruised and broken so that we might be healed. Isaiah 53:5 says, "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed."

     As I came out of surgery 3 weeks ago, I remember Dr. Krisht shinning a bright light in my right eye and then wiggling his fingers. I saw that perfectly. Then as he moved to my left eye, I saw nothing. It was then that all kinds of tests were being ran (even yesterday, I returned to Little Rock for more testing). I remember that night thinking, it's swelling, it will return. The next morning as he sat and talked with us, I could tell that this was probably going to be a permanent thing. As I sat crying with Ronny, I said, "but I'm a teacher, I teach reading and writing, I love to read, and I play the piano, how can I do these things and not see?!" During these last 3 weeks I have learned that things are different with one eye. My eyesight was something I took for granted, something I always thought would be there. It is uncomfortable and scary going out into a world that seems so big now. Things seem so big, yet some seem so small and far away. The normalcy of my life was disrupted with this eyesight issue, whether temporary or permanent, that is up to God. I truly believe He is bigger than this and He is still in the business of performing miracles. Some of my fears have already gone away: I have already read 4 books, and are simultaneously working on 5, 6, & 7. (I can't wait to tell my students--no excuses! We can read!) I can play piano, not as much by ear as I wish, but I can still read the music!!

The next disruption of normalcy is brain surgery. For a person who is on the go all the time, whether in working or in fun, life has somewhat smacked me down. When I was healthy, I could jump in the car and run whenever I chose. I could be a teacher, a pastor's wife, a college mom, a daughter, aunt, sister, friend, and a graduate student all at the same time. I'm now realizing that life has changed, and I know only for a season, but a hard thing to accept. As Don Piper also says in his book, "I had to adjust and accept my physical limits as part of my new normal." I know for healing purposes, the rest is a huge thing. Some of the smallest of tasks are overwhelming and exhausting. Again, even making the trek into public is somewhat overwhelming, it seems as though a big flashing marquee is above my head saying: "BRAIN TUMOR!" Sometimes it's discouraging because I think, will I ever return to what I once was? How long will this recuperation take? Will I ever be rested again? How will I return to my regular schedule when the Dr. releases me? I keep reminding myself that through my weakness He is strong! He promises to be there and protect me, to give me healing, to be my strength.

I think as humans, one of the hardest things to give to God and not take back is the control. We like to be in control of our lives, situations, etc. He wants us to totally depend on Him for everything. Paul tells us we must die to self daily. Well, I'm thinking sometimes it's by the hour, by the minute, every second of every day! A great reminder : Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." It is so hard to let go of the control completely. We say we do, but we seem to keep hanging on to a little corner of it, just in case "He can't handle it, we can help." He can do it all and He tells us that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~Philippians 4:13. And yet, we want to think we can do anything in our own strength.

Father,
You are my provider and my healer. You are everything that I need! I have said it before, but need a constant reminder, Take my life, take my will, take my body (eyes, hands, feet, brain, every part of me) and make it all yours. May your will be done in my life. You gave me a calling for teaching and music, God, mold me into what you would have me to be. May every part of my life glorify You! I thank You for what You are doing in my life, even though I don't understand. Forgive me for questioning You, for not understanding, for getting angry! I believe You are a God of miracles--You can heal my eyes if You choose!! If not, You have a better plan in store for me. You are in control! I am not! I am waiting for You God to tell me or show me Your plan for my life. I know Your timing is perfect! I am still excited to see what you have for me!

In Jesus' name--Lisa

The Little Things In Life

The little things in life? Are they really "just" little things? I have learned over the last few months, and even more in the last two weeks, that little things are big and of importance. There are things we do on a daily basis that we just take for granted; things like...

• our next breath.
• seeing the beauty in people and creation around us.
• singing or humming a song.
• feeling the wind against your face.
• seeing a smile move across some one's face.
• the ability to take a shower and wash your hair whenever you so choose.
• driving your car to the store and running in quickly.
• knowing and living like tomorrow will come.
• a shoulder of a friend.
• a tiny child's hand in yours.
• the comfort from a loved one.

I have come to realize that we move along in our lives, so fast paced, that we forget to stop and notice these little things that are so important. We spend our times running from one appointment to the next, gulping down a meal from a drive thru, and checking our email and messages in the car on our smart phones as we arrive at our next destination. We over commit to the point that we can't possibly cram in one more event. Then we stop and wonder why we are so tired and exhausted!

I am learning so many lessons through my journey. One is to just "Be still and know that I am God." I sometimes forget that God is in control and not me! Sometimes I just make a mess of His plan. I plan so much that I plan Him right out of everything. I have learned over the last two weeks that I am not guaranteed tomorrow. And that's OK! I'm not promised a number of years on this earth. I need to spend my days living urgently for Christ. I hope that I live my life in a way that Christ can touch lives through me. I want to live in a way that I may not have another day to share His love. I also want to live my life in gratitude to my savior, one for saving my soul, and two for using me to work His plan according to His purpose and not my own.

I find that I'm seeing the importance of just sitting in His presence and not running through it on my way to another commitment. I'm also learning that if it is His plan to see with one eye, then He has better plans for me! He is going to use this meningioma/vision trial for His glory. I am appreciating the things around me such as the sun, wind, rain, people, etc. I'm realizing these things are not so little in life.

Thank you, God for the rest you have provided for me and my family. Thank you for allowing me to stop and savor those things that may seem small in life, but are of great importance.